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Archive for April, 2012

I have a secret to share.  I hate, fear, loathe and retreat from rejection of almost any kind.  My own definition of rejection  is a wide and deep catch-all which includes:  not noticing; ignoring; denial; not talking; the words “I don’t want to talk about it” or “I don’t want to deal with it”; not focussing attention, not joining in, not, NO, NOT, NO, NO…NO…..NO………NONONONONONONONONONO.   This hypersensitivity is an all out judgment-cluster in which I go completely blind to Love’s presence.

This morning, after listing to the Holy Spirit my current feelings of loss and rejection in detail ranging from electronic devices at the dinner table to my daughter’s boyfriend failing to arrive on time. I finally ran out of steam and asked simply “Holy Spirit WHAT IS REJECTION anyway??”

Imagine my surprise to hear these words:

Rejection is a melon.

A fully ripe, perfect, juicy melon, ready to eat.  Fragrant, cool, smelling of tropical waters and sunset.

The melon is a gift, a delicious morsel bringing satisfaction, fullness and completion.  The melon is forgotten on the kitchen table.  You are in a hurry and think, “I will eat it tomorrow–tomorrow it will be perfect.”

But tomorrow, the juice is gone, the flesh is mealy and rubbery and the fragrance chalky.  The moment is past.

You keep thinking, “I will eat the melon tomorrow, tomorrow is should be perfect.”  Yet the melon is now a desiccated, moldy mush.  Still you think “Tomorrow it will be perfect.  I will eat it then.”

The melon is now gone.  The plate rinsed and put in the dishwasher.  Someone took pity on the organic mess and disintegration and threw it in the rubbish.  You don’t even notice,  for you are still thinking “The melon will be so good tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow”.

Rejection is tomorrow.

It is the hope that tomorrow all will be well and tasty and complete.

Rejection is the unwillingness to see clearly now in Love’s eyes.

Right now.

All of the circumstances you view as rejection of you are in fact rejections of your own to what is standing right in front of you.  You are rejecting the option to simply view the moment without judgment.

Allow yourself the pleasure and possibility of having no idea what will  happen next.  Like watching a baby discover his toes or his voice.  See the computer interface  as the discovering of these things called toes.  See the unwillingness to talk about a difficult sadness as the process of discovering her voice, the timbre, screech or beatific hum.  Let yourself discover the magnanimity of joy in the unexpected seeing of perfection of the moment you inhabit.

The permission to be amazed is what will give you delight in the smallest of seeings.  See how your great desire to change ‘what is so’ is received, itself, as rejection.  Thus you see rejection in the mirror of your brothers eyes.

No talking.  No attention.  No undivided awareness.

Love is there, mind you, completely, utterly, always.

Allow yourself to give these thoughts of “not enough”;  “it should be different; “they should be different” a free, all expenses paid,  holiday to the Virgin Islands for a week.  See if you miss them……see if they miss you.

See what happens.  I wonder……………”

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Heartempty Dumpty sat on a wall

Heartempty Dumpty had a great fall

The chorus did sing

an aching refrain

Is it enough?

Is it enough?

Is it enough?

Drops of acid rain

drilling a hole in my brain

The audience whispers one to another

No…no…NNNNOOOO……

n………………o…………….o……nooooooo

My heart is rent in two

and three and four and twenty

How can I become whole again

with this Humpty Dumpty torture?

How can I embrace both chorus

and tittering audience?

I will bow deeply to both

for their magnificent performance

Bravo!  Bravissimo!!

Well done, YOU.

For you have given me

that double secret gift

I asked for long ago

The experience

of being

alone in spirit

adrift in limitation

awash in doubt

Thank you!  Thank you!

Now let us

together

reture to the

after-theater party

at Awakenings

Shhhhhhhh…….don’t tell………

the other plays are still going…………………..

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I had an amazing experience extending love to my thoughts this morning.  After a period of being very aware of my protein drink; the coldness; creaminess; how the straw felt; the glory and mystery of swallowing; my cells each absorbing the nutrition; I was completely aware of,  in short,  the miracle of breakfast.  at this point I became aware of deeper, more emotional thoughts and saw instantly this scene:

“I was at a cotillion by a lake.  I could see the night sky fading and the outdoor deck festooned in paper lanterns.  I could hear light orchestral music playing and see guest mingling, chatting, laughing.  I was wearing a summer frock worthy of a Doris Day film, sleeveless, pouf skirt and white.  I was welcoming each guest, each thought, as it arrived.  I was quite surprised when  Hatred arrived looking for all the world like a dear friend.  I didn’t know what to do, Hatred had not been invited but I was committed to welcoming all guest, expected or not.  What struck me was Hatred’s beauty.  It was disconcerting to feel Hatred  as beautiful.

Next arrived Itching (my ears, nose, eyes), a dwarf drawing all kinds of attention.  I ushered him in, got him a glass of punch and introduced him to another guest.  Then I saw the thought guest “I must get things taken care of”, who was dressed as a maid, in a black dress with starched white apron and sensible shoes.  I came up to her and said “I am so happy you are here, please join the party.”  I took her apron, and gave her strappy black sandals and a glittering sequined shawl.  She took her hair out of the bun and let it fall loosely about her shoulders.  I was stunned at her beauty and regal nature.  How does she keep that covered and dialed down while in service?

At this point my daughter actually came into my meditation room to ask a question.  I saw her, too, as a thought guest at the cotillion, completely unaware of the ripples her arrival caused.

I felt rather than saw the next guest to arrive.  I turn to my left and gliding down the path along the lake, leading to the pavilion, illuminated only by starlight and the glow of the paper lanterns was a beautiful man.  A figure somewhere between Jesus and a European St.Nicholas in white and sage robes, wearing a wreath of leaves and flowers on his head, emanating utter peace.  All party goers turned in unison to greet the unexpected delight of his arrival.  The place came alive as if touched by a wand.  The guises of thoughts and roles dropped in the face of sheer wonder and pleasure and warmth and love for one another.  I saw the sparkling cloak of the night sky illuminate the shore, the night, the surrounding mountains, the country, the world and the galaxy.

He is here!  He came!!

We can be ourselves, we don’t need to pretend any more!

Hallelujah!  Hallelujah!!!  Amen & Hallelujah!!!!”

Thus finished my extending love practice.  My heart was light, full and emanating joy.  I entered my day with purpose, welcome and an unwrinkled brow.  Let’s hear it for step one, extending love to your thoughts!

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In my preparation for the new class for Voice for Love I was at turns, excited, nervous, thrilled, terrified…..all the usual attendant thoughts with a new endeavor.  My own class was such a year of incredible transformation for me that I began speculating on what being a mentor in the class might mean.  It is always exciting to speculate about the future, the unknown and the circumstances that might be brought about to affect the very experience I desire.  I have been assured by Holy Spirit that the theme this year is “Joy” even as last year’s theme was “Peace”.  Now, picture me shifting in my chair, fidgeting, drinking coffee etc all in the guise of “quiet time”, my time of meditation,  prayer and practice of extending love to my thoughts.  I was arrested mid fidget with what I spied in my coffee cup.  A perfect reflection of Stillness Reveals TruthMary in full color.  I had never noticed this before though I sit in my study daily with coffee in hand.  I have a beautiful painting of Mary hanging over my desk and ONLY IN STILLNESS did I see the sweet reflection.  In that moment all my fears and fidgets drained away as the last of the bath water gurgles swiftly out of the tub.  I was instantly returned to my own stillness and truth.

I love the memory of how truth and beauty is reflected in the state of stillness.  No wonder we are called to stillness.  The beauty and truth are of course already present but we cannot see it for ourselves unless we commit to b.e..i..n….g….s…..t……..i….l………..l.

These words given to me that morning seem meant now for the new students and staff in the Voice for Love:

“Enjoy all the forms created by love, for love, in love. 

Let yourself be loved even as you love.

You are here to receive your Self as much as to be yourself.

This much is true.

You were/are/will be designed for great joy–an endless, eternal capacity for joy.

Be ready in your willingess to feel that which you are yet unaccustomed to–

Pure

overflowing

rightness

of what IS.”

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