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Archive for October, 2013

Which quality of Love will I extend?

Which quality of Love will I extend?

So, my husband bought a new car last week (see Mercy B post) and on the weekend came the necessary task of clearing space in the garage for the newest member of the family.  Sunday was a glorious day with clear sky, temp of 70 and the smell of autumn in the air.  So we were unprepared for our combined reaction of PTSD.  We began in fear and flashback with my beloved just grabbing any old thing and placing it just to be moving and me standing frozen unable to process.  We had words as inaction and action are wont to do.  I begged my Action Man to BE STILL so we could think.  Miraculously we both then stood stock still for two whole minutes in silence and peace.  We both essentially heard the same message of where to begin and how and thus the work commenced.

Later on when the emotion and dare I say it “shame” of “Why do we have so much STUFF??!!” became overwhelming I decided to go inside for a couple of bottles of water.  While there I prayed for joining, grace and guidance.  I asked Holy Spirit what quality of love could I extend and the surprising answer was:  I extend invitation to this thought.  INVITATION???!!!  This was enough of a surprise to knock me off my “I know best how to do this” perch and I could suddenly SEE that I had invited all the stuff, the clean up, the conflict and the opportunity to forgive and extend love.  I took the water back out to my husband and then the phone rang.  It was our daughter calling from Chicago and the ensuing chat added to the peace I was finally feeling.  While on the phone my husband managed to move the “impossible” bookcases and we were now over the crest and the miracle of a clean garage and a new parking space was in sight.IMG_4586

Next time you are faced with an impossible task or chore or simply don’t see eye to eye with your partner, ask Holy Spirit to join in, ask how you can extend love

and see what miracles are created!

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I love that we keep returning to the truth that our heart’s desire leads us on many different levels.  We had this amazing experience last weekend.  My husband has been looking at cars for about a year now (his car has over 150,000 miles on it and is over 10 yrs old;  also he wanted to get out of an SUV since we don’t both need one anymore).  Anyway, we went to drive a new Mercedes CLA which is a sporty sedan with very sleek styling and gets great fuel economy.  This is a new car that just arrived in the US and is sneaking into the slightly more affordable market.  Anyway,  he just really wanted to see it and drive it again (we did this a couple of weeks ago).  We felt led to go ahead and to negotiate to purchase the car.  We chose our favorite color, features etc and then found out the one he wanted was only in Oregon.  The missing feature though was a certain kind of wheel.  My very hard-working husband had been feeling hesitant which he put down to it being such a big expenditure but when the wrong wheels came up he balked.  I said “What do the wheels look like that you want?” and he took me back out to the parking lot to show me (with lovely salesman in tow who looked for all the world like a dear friend of ours Jerry Smith).  During the process of checking out the wheels he “noticed” a car he hadn’t really seen and instantly fell in LOVE with it and suddenly all apprehension fell away.  It was such a noticeable thing and he felt so buoyant we went ahead with the car purchase but with a COMPLETELY different car!  And because I kept telling him (and reminding myself) “we don’t have to buy today, we have everything we need, please guide us HS” we were relaxed enough to keep asking for stuff and got a great deal, a low percentage and all kinds of extra’s thrown in.

Mercy B Indeed!

Mercy B Indeed!

The real HS sign is how very delighted and happy and boyish he has been with the car.  We had thought to “not” get the car until at least one child was done with college  but we got such a go ahead from HS that we did it.  I can’t tell you the number of times I can see a guilt free love flowing through my beloved husband, an innocent delight, so many qualities of love unleashed for HIM to experience.  The car is like a gift FOR him from his own holiness, who he has long felt and listened to but hated discussing it in any way.  The greatest cherry on top is that when we told our youngest daughter she instantly named the car “Mercy B” which we all love.  So yeah, go with your desires and interests, and “Be sure He will give you the desires of your heart.”.

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I was dealing with the shame and surprise of hurting another.  It was a stupid thing really, an impossible situation that couldn’t be helped and the words spilled out of my mouth and I watched helplessly as the shadow of misery crossed  her face.  I asked prayerfully for a practice to help me in the face of this suffering I had caused and the suffering “I” was experiencing in being the bearer of such harshness, however unintended.

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The Awful, Beautiful Truth

I had this conversation with my husband soon after my verbal debacle:

Me:  I don’t like to see people suffer. (especially if I caused it)

Husband: People suffer.  Get over it.

Me:  I don’t like it though!

Husband: That’s like saying “I don’t like the sky being blue or the days getting shorter or the leaves falling”  People suffer. You don’t like it–too f’ing bad!  Get over it.  Suffering happens, yours and other people’s.

“OH!” I thought, “Here is my practice.”  This time, my husbands words were the Voice of Love for me.  Notice:  Suffering IS.  Extend acceptance, innocence, being to the thought of suffering.  As soon as I heard “Suffering IS” I relaxed and quit fighting it.  In extending acceptance I wasn’t saying “Oh thanks so much” but more “OH, this really hurts.  It really, really hurts and that is ok.”  In extending innocence I simply noticed the hurt and knew that it was completely innocent, meant no harm and would not last forever.  In extending being to the suffering I honored its presence and let it BE for as long as it needed to BE, ie, I allowed the hurt space without my agenda of getting rid of it quick smart.  In the space that “Suffering IS” created I found myself much more relaxed, open, and gentle with the idea of suffering.  In my rush to brush it away I didn’t see the necessary beauty in it nor accept the gift of stillness and truth.

I continue my practice of “Suffering IS” anytime I notice I am suffering, either with the effects of too much greasy fish and chips or with the news of a TB diagnosis with one of my children.  Suffering is.  I am.  God is.  Love is.

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So, the other day I found myself saying to Holy Spirit “If I knew I would WITHOUT DOUBT flourish, enjoy, grow and be happy in this endeavor I would go ahead.  So HOW do I do this without doubt????”  Naturally the HS’s response is priceless:

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HS:  Extend love to doubt.

Daily.

Make it a loving practice to daily recognize your doubts, doubting, double-mindedness.

Sit quietly with peace, joy and delight pouring from your heart ont, over, surrounding your doubts with loving-kindness.

Let now doubting lead you into anything other than extending love.

We can call this practice “Daily Doubtfire of Love”.  Your doubts will come with you for as long as you need them.  They are pacifiers of sorts.  Dearest One, practice loving each day these doubts rather than doubting your heart and resolve capabilities.

Doubting is another name for fear, resistance and subterfuge.  IT is a negative flow of energy.  Fear and loathing are its base metal.  Do not let this worry or bother you.  All that you need to do is to continue your daily, on purpose practice of extending love to the doubt, doubting & double-mindedness.  Your happiness is your true nature & you can be in a state of happiness in all forms–even doubting.  Just pause, extend love to doubts, feel the Holy Spirit, ask a question; express God’s Voice, acknowledge you hear and speak this Voice of Love, right now.

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“Ode to Closure”

I never knew I had the powerorange flat curves

to end things

conclude, finish, stop

satisfy, complete, finalize

end, graduate, farewell

always I had waited

“for things to end”

I relied on moving, disaster, death

to carry me over

death’s threshold

for how could I be the one to say

enough! stop! over!

wouldn’t that be believing in

death? quitting? failure?

now I know that

allowing and embracing the end

leads inexorably to the beginning

again……again…………..and again……..

a gain

loss is its own sort of gain

an ending tells you:

now move on

now create anew

now be something else

ending is not failure

any more than beginning is success

yet all and both

are born again

in the fullness of time

for my own joy and goodness

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hearts_rosesWhere there is fear, there is anxiety

Where there is anxiety, there is turmoil

Where there is turmoil, there is indecision

Where there is indecision, there is blockage

Where there is blockage, there is opportunity

Where there is opportunity, there is willingness

Where there is willingness, there is hope

Where there is hope, there is openness

Where there is openness, there is awareness of Love

Where there is awareness of Love, there is Love

Where there is Love, there is no fear”

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We are here to create heaven on earth

I was blown away by the question my dear friend George asked in regards to an organization we belong to.  He asked, “What would you do if you inherited all the resources?”  It was the question I have been looking for and didn’t know it.  This is the question that allowed me to see what I had been truly missing, ie, ALL THE RESOURCES.  I had been looking in my own backyard for things I could do or say to help but I had forgotten about ALL THE RESOURCES.  I decided to do a resource inventory and was delighted in all that was already present to move ahead and create anew.  ALL the resources in this case included a massive library of brilliant step by step teaching, deep and committed founders, willing and creative staff and past students, an online presence etc.  But the really bonus goodies came flooding through me in the form of realizing my own resources.  I love taking inventory like this yet constantly forget to do it.

ALL THE RESOURCES (in no particular order…….”There is no order of difficulties in miracles.”)

my humor; my husband; my beautiful daughters; our friends who know things I can only imagine; my bestie pals who cry and laugh with me; my mentors and coaches; my indefatigable desire for beauty, harmony & peace; God; God’s Voice; I can hear, speak and totally delight in God’s Voice of Love; my garage filled with history; my thoughts; the Universe (as in the ONEVerse we are all joined in singing); my home and office; electricity, running water; blow dryer (I’m sorry, but good hair is part of what I call a loving resource of God-so-loved-the-world he inspired the invention of blow driers); I can sort of find my way around a computer (with 3in1’s help of course); my body (in all its glory and hilariousness);  of course I have come to really notice and enjoy breathing which is very cool because it turns out to be THE important resource here on earth; our corgies (Rugby is especially a great resource for practicing forgiveness of his constant need for attention, which is absolutely NOT a projection of my own need for attention, really it isn’t);  Color; the infinite Qualities of Love that give me such great joy to feel, share, notice and celebrate; extending said Love to my thoughts; the 5 Steps to Hearing God’s Voice; food, water, champagne; the bank; all the amazing men and women who support my every breath from fighting fires, to working feverishly to form a government budget to those willing to fight for my right to sit here and dish (let’s not forget the Baristas, insurance agents; hairdressers, manicurists , financial advisors who make my world safe, leveraged, beautiful and caffeinated).

Ok, I have realized ALL THE RESOURCES could fill a page, a book, a world, a Universe.  In fact they do.

Let’s hear it for the power of ALL THE RESOURCES we each have individually and collectively  Thank you thank you , amen & thank you!

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love the entire song

Love Collage created by V. Padley

It has been so long since I posted here that I have nearly forgotten how to!  I have been writing up a storm and my work have been seen mainly on http://www.thevoiceforlove.com community page and can be found at Fearlessly Female Magazine.  But, for reasons unknown I feel like posting again here.  There is no perfect “first post after years gone walkabout” quite frankly and this one will no doubt fall a bit flat.  But that is OK!  I have given myself permission to write, as Anne Lamott says, “a shitty first draft (post)”.

Yesterday I started reading the book”Ten Poems to Change Your Life” by Roger Housden  I’m already a fan (he had me at Mary Oliver’s “The Journey”).  It got me to thinking, what are ten qualities of Love that will change your life.  If you could only have ten (out of the infinite qualities available). What would they be.

Here are mine and I’d love to hear yours:

1. Forgiveness (without this I wouldn’t even get up in the morning)

2. Innocence (all thoughts, people, situations, governments, pain is totally & completely pure, holy, true)

3. Acceptance (this is where the rubber meets the road; it is: i notice it; i feel better)

4. Beauty (it is all beautiful but how delicious we get to notice and feel all the flavors of beauty)

5. Clarity (who, what when, where, why, does it hurt…..ie answers, guidance, revelation….whew!)

6. Strength (power, immanence, majesty, wholeness all in one neat package)

7. Peace (spacious, free, open, still, quiet, relief)

8. Joy (happy, delicious & bubbling, pouring forth the delight we are made of)

9. Comfort (yummy, cozy, gentleness meets you exactly where you are)

10. Truth (now IS eternal)

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