“Accepting Rejection”

I have a secret to share.  I hate, fear, loathe and retreat from rejection of almost any kind.  My own definition of rejection  is a wide and deep catch-all which includes:  not noticing; ignoring; denial; not talking; the words “I don’t want to talk about it” or “I don’t want to deal with it”; not focussing attention, not joining in, not, NO, NOT, NO, NO…NO…..NO………NONONONONONONONONONO.   This hypersensitivity is an all out judgment-cluster in which I go completely blind to Love’s presence.

This morning, after listing to the Holy Spirit my current feelings of loss and rejection in detail ranging from electronic devices at the dinner table to my daughter’s boyfriend failing to arrive on time. I finally ran out of steam and asked simply “Holy Spirit WHAT IS REJECTION anyway??”

Imagine my surprise to hear these words:

“Rejection is a melon.

A fully ripe, perfect, juicy melon, ready to eat.  Fragrant, cool, smelling of tropical waters and sunset.

The melon is a gift, a delicious morsel bringing satisfaction, fullness and completion.  The melon is forgotten on the kitchen table.  You are in a hurry and think, “I will eat it tomorrow–tomorrow it will be perfect.”

But tomorrow, the juice is gone, the flesh is mealy and rubbery and the fragrance chalky.  The moment is past.

You keep thinking, “I will eat the melon tomorrow, tomorrow is should be perfect.”  Yet the melon is now a desiccated, moldy mush.  Still you think “Tomorrow it will be perfect.  I will eat it then.”

The melon is now gone.  The plate rinsed and put in the dishwasher.  Someone took pity on the organic mess and disintegration and threw it in the rubbish.  You don’t even notice,  for you are still thinking “The melon will be so good tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow”.

Rejection is tomorrow.

It is the hope that tomorrow all will be well and tasty and complete.

Rejection is the unwillingness to see clearly now in Love’s eyes.

Right now.

All of the circumstances you view as rejection of you are in fact rejections of your own to what is standing right in front of you.  You are rejecting the option to simply view the moment without judgment.

Allow yourself the pleasure and possibility of having no idea what will  happen next.  Like watching a baby discover his toes or his voice.  See the computer interface  as the discovering of these things called toes.  See the unwillingness to talk about a difficult sadness as the process of discovering her voice, the timbre, screech or beatific hum.  Let yourself discover the magnanimity of joy in the unexpected seeing of perfection of the moment you inhabit.

The permission to be amazed is what will give you delight in the smallest of seeings.  See how your great desire to change ‘what is so’ is received, itself, as rejection.  Thus you see rejection in the mirror of your brothers eyes.

No talking.  No attention.  No undivided awareness.

Love is there, mind you, completely, utterly, always.

Allow yourself to give these thoughts of “not enough”;  “it should be different; “they should be different” a free, all expenses paid,  holiday to the Virgin Islands for a week.  See if you miss them……see if they miss you.

See what happens.  I wonder……………”

Advertisement

Read Full Post »

“Jesus at the Cotillion”

I had an amazing experience extending love to my thoughts this morning.  After a period of being very aware of my protein drink; the coldness; creaminess; how the straw felt; the glory and mystery of swallowing; my cells each absorbing the nutrition; I was completely aware of,  in short,  the miracle of breakfast.  at this point I became aware of deeper, more emotional thoughts and saw instantly this scene:

“I was at a cotillion by a lake.  I could see the night sky fading and the outdoor deck festooned in paper lanterns.  I could hear light orchestral music playing and see guest mingling, chatting, laughing.  I was wearing a summer frock worthy of a Doris Day film, sleeveless, pouf skirt and white.  I was welcoming each guest, each thought, as it arrived.  I was quite surprised when  Hatred arrived looking for all the world like a dear friend.  I didn’t know what to do, Hatred had not been invited but I was committed to welcoming all guest, expected or not.  What struck me was Hatred’s beauty.  It was disconcerting to feel Hatred  as beautiful.

Next arrived Itching (my ears, nose, eyes), a dwarf drawing all kinds of attention.  I ushered him in, got him a glass of punch and introduced him to another guest.  Then I saw the thought guest “I must get things taken care of”, who was dressed as a maid, in a black dress with starched white apron and sensible shoes.  I came up to her and said “I am so happy you are here, please join the party.”  I took her apron, and gave her strappy black sandals and a glittering sequined shawl.  She took her hair out of the bun and let it fall loosely about her shoulders.  I was stunned at her beauty and regal nature.  How does she keep that covered and dialed down while in service?

At this point my daughter actually came into my meditation room to ask a question.  I saw her, too, as a thought guest at the cotillion, completely unaware of the ripples her arrival caused.

I felt rather than saw the next guest to arrive.  I turn to my left and gliding down the path along the lake, leading to the pavilion, illuminated only by starlight and the glow of the paper lanterns was a beautiful man.  A figure somewhere between Jesus and a European St.Nicholas in white and sage robes, wearing a wreath of leaves and flowers on his head, emanating utter peace.  All party goers turned in unison to greet the unexpected delight of his arrival.  The place came alive as if touched by a wand.  The guises of thoughts and roles dropped in the face of sheer wonder and pleasure and warmth and love for one another.  I saw the sparkling cloak of the night sky illuminate the shore, the night, the surrounding mountains, the country, the world and the galaxy.

He is here!  He came!!

We can be ourselves, we don’t need to pretend any more!

Hallelujah!  Hallelujah!!!  Amen & Hallelujah!!!!”

Thus finished my extending love practice.  My heart was light, full and emanating joy.  I entered my day with purpose, welcome and an unwrinkled brow.  Let’s hear it for step one, extending love to your thoughts!

Read Full Post »

“Coffee Cup Revelation”

In my preparation for the new class for Voice for Love I was at turns, excited, nervous, thrilled, terrified…..all the usual attendant thoughts with a new endeavor.  My own class was such a year of incredible transformation for me that I began speculating on what being a mentor in the class might mean.  It is always exciting to speculate about the future, the unknown and the circumstances that might be brought about to affect the very experience I desire.  I have been assured by Holy Spirit that the theme this year is “Joy” even as last year’s theme was “Peace”.  Now, picture me shifting in my chair, fidgeting, drinking coffee etc all in the guise of “quiet time”, my time of meditation,  prayer and practice of extending love to my thoughts.  I was arrested mid fidget with what I spied in my coffee cup.  A perfect reflection of Mary in full color.  I had never noticed this before though I sit in my study daily with coffee in hand.  I have a beautiful painting of Mary hanging over my desk and ONLY IN STILLNESS did I see the sweet reflection.  In that moment all my fears and fidgets drained away as the last of the bath water gurgles swiftly out of the tub.  I was instantly returned to my own stillness and truth.

I love the memory of how truth and beauty is reflected in the state of stillness.  No wonder we are called to stillness.  The beauty and truth are of course already present but we cannot see it for ourselves unless we commit to b.e..i..n….g….s…..t……..i….l………..l.

These words given to me that morning seem meant now for the new students and staff in the Voice for Love:

“Enjoy all the forms created by love, for love, in love. 

Let yourself be loved even as you love.

You are here to receive your Self as much as to be yourself.

This much is true.

You were/are/will be designed for great joy–an endless, eternal capacity for joy.

Be ready in your willingess to feel that which you are yet unaccustomed to–

Pure

overflowing

rightness

of what IS.”

Read Full Post »

“The Agony & The Ecstacy of Working with Stone”

I am reading the amazing historical novel about the artist Michelangelo by Irving Stone, published in 1961.  It is richly detailed and will require many pages for terrific quotes in my journal (not to mention trips to Google to look up his incredible works of art).  This quote reminded me of our work with what many call “the ego”.  I think this kind of fits because often it feels my ego is a solid block IN MY WAY of seeing truth about a situation, a brother or myself.  I have a friend who this last weekend had the unbelievable circumstance of losing his beloved mother on one day and then the family dog on the next.  A situation that could turn any heart to stone with the thoughts of “How could this happen?  Why me? My grief  is overwhelming?  Please make it stop hurting.”  Perhaps with Holy Spirit we can become as Michelangelo with his beloved stone and extend love in this way:

“The Topolinos had taught him to work the stone with friendliness, to seek its natural forms, its mountains and valleys, even though it might seem solid; never to grow angry or unsympathetic toward the material.

Stone works with you.  It reveals itself to you.

Stone does not resent the chisel.  It is not being violated.  Its nature is to change.  Each stone has its own character.  It must be understood.  Handle it carefully or it will shatter.  Never let stone destroy itself.

Stone gives itself to skill and to love.” 

—“The Agony & The Ecstasy”  p. 48 by Irving Stone

Read Full Post »

“Extending Love to College”

"Who am I now?"

This post is for all the parents and students who are in the midst and mire of making college decisions.  We are with you my friends.  Our second daughter is nearing the end of her GAP year (a year off between HS and college for travel and work, a not uncommon custom we fell in love with in Australia).  We are now visiting schools and trying to “help” her make this decision.  Since there is entirely too much pressure on “what comes next” after high school I am of course giving the appearance of being a nervous wreck.  Thankfully, my process of connecting to Holy Spirit and extending love to my thoughts  is for these occasions pretty much the ONLY thing to do.  In my late night plea before visiting Columbia College of Art in Chicago to “please tell me what college is even FOR” my Holy Friend answered the fears and concerns of my heart:

“I extend awe to this thought.”

“Precious One,

Awe is the moment you take in pure quietness. 

The step into the emptiness of uncertainty–certain of Love’s glorious presence.  You have long resisted education as it seems to indicate you don’t know something.  Education is a process of revealing. A process of remembering the joy which is already here.  College is not an answer to “What do I do now?”

College is another step in learning in remembering “Who am I now?”

Fear not this step.  Trust your daughter and her heart.  Let her ask questions and be aware of what she is thinking herself.  She is opening to her own heart.  Fear not her heart.

Fear not her knowing.

Fear not her not knowing.

Let you guidance GUIDE you in all things.

I love you.

Did you know that?

I love you with the hearttruth of the infinite power of love.

Amen & Selah”

Read Full Post »

“Everything Speaks to Us”

(This post celebrates the one year anniversary of the opening of the Teal Family Pavillion on 10-10-10!)

It is my great joy to be a touring docent at the Crocker Art Museum.

My heart is listening.

Last week we had a large group of fifth graders and we discovered they were quite art savvy, having even met two of our well-known artists in the permanent collection.  Their teacher wanted very specific works included in the tour.  I immediately sent myself into a tiz about being quite sure I was inadequate to the task of touring such a knowledgable group.  Of course I took this to Holy Spirit for the comfort of sanity and peace.

This is the first gift:  “I extend mySelf to this thought.”

“Holy Precious Child,

You are the light in which they will see–let yourself be completely your Self in this tour.  Worry not about the other docent, fear not the teacher’s knowledge.  Give the children an EXPERIENCE of the art, not just talking.”

This is the tour introduction peace gave me:

"Velazquez Family" by Bernice Bing

“Everything Speaks to us–our family, the sun, the Museum, this painting.  We speak to all things in our heart though often not out loud.  Art allows us a moment to pause and hear the conversation.  Would  you be willing to set aside all you know about art for a moment and let art tell you something today?

The great thing about museums is that they are dedicated to creating spaces which allow us the luxury of communing and communicating with all that surrounds us, through art.

You may not be able to articulate your response but if you take the time, you can read your body like a book and it will help you realize your own feelings.

The Museum allows us time to do this.  The artist has given so much to his work:  time, energy,heart, know-how, skill, paint, canvas.  We give the willingness to stop our busy lives and allow motion to pause and take in his gift.”

The joy and confidence I received was overflowing and the tour was completely delicious.  The very best part of all was the moment I first spied the children wearing  bright red sweatshirts with HOLY SPIRIT written on them.  They were, in fact, from Holy Spirit School.  The reminder of the Holy Spirit being in every child, as emblazoned on their shirt just made me laugh.  Who says Holiness isn’t Hilarious?

Read Full Post »

“The Sanctuary”

Welcome!

My quiet time yielded treasure this morning.  Holy Spirit said:

“Dearest One, you need an image of success that you may return to again and again when the doubts of unworthiness sneak and creep  upon your awareness.”

This is the image given:

A Cathedral.

I have come into the sanctuary in a Chanel suit, heels clicking on the ancient stone tiles.  I am relieved to be in the quiet for a moment.  I can sit my bag down on one of the pews at the back.  I will just sit here and catch my breath.

What is going on up front:  What IS the commotion?!  I leave my bag and step out of my shoes as to not add to the apparent fray at the altar….

I walk stealthily down a side aisle to get closer to the action.

OMG!!!  It is Jesus!!!!

Welcoming ME–waiting for ME–delighted to see ME–glorying in MY presence!

I am at once overwhelmed and relieved of all fear and trepidation.  I AM HOME!  The welcome and joy I receive is indescribable.  This is the phrase that instantly comes to mind:

“Making Love with Jesus”

I have my first true glimpse of what is actually happening when we extend love.  We are truly co-creating with Love and birthing JOY.  Amen and selah.

Read Full Post »

“Intensity, Brutality, Speed & Precision”

The Australian Wallabies (http://www.foxsports.com.au/rugby/rugby-world-cup-2011) are in the throes of the Rugby World Cup.  Last weekend an announcer described them as playing with “intensity, brutality, speed and precision”.  My husband brightened and said ‘These are four of my favorite qualities!”  Thus began four day’s conversation, both silent and audible on what in the world did he mean?

My first thought was “Well, that explains a lot.”  My eyes opened as I remembered the times my feelings had been wounded by these qualities of intensity (loud noises), brutality (ignoring the call to dinner), speed (asking a question and then zooming off even before the answer was given) and precision (the unerring ability to stop a conversation in its tracks with a single, well placed question).  I noticed firstly, that I am pretty darned sensitive, as any member of my family will tell you.  Secondly, I noticed that none of the Wallabies seemed the least bit hurt at this description, in fact they swelled with pride, or as true Aussies, simply shrugged and said “Too right.” under their breath.  Why is this?

Because rugby is a GAME!  All the players are playing a game, an intense, brutal, lightening fast, precise game.  It is war without the political fallout.  Come to think of it Australians even think of war as a game, no wonder they are good at it.  Did I mention my husband is Australian?

 What if I thought of these qualities, when spotted or even received as just part of a game? The game of loving unconditionally.  What if, instead of getting my knickers in a twist when my husband didn’t come to dinner when the announcement was made I just extended love to myself and poured my own glass of wine and used the wait to relax instead of fume?  What if, instead of seeing the speed with which a conversation is stopped as a slap in the face I saw it as a loving attempt for as much conversation as could be tolerated; asking  a question as a way of acknowledging my presence and my enjoyment of conversation without the full committment of time?  What if I could shout WOO HOO!! and join in with a loud noise instead of feeling overwhelmed?

What if I could extend love to anything that came my way and if I didn’t, just shrug and say “Too right”?  Now that is a game I can play with intensity, brutality, speed and precision.

Read Full Post »

“Take Two Poems and Call Me in the Morning”

SHOULD: a warning sign

This morning I woke feeling the hot, stale breath of SHOULD on the back of my neck.  Instead of my delicious Quiet Time all I could think of was an endless list of tasks that NEEDED DOING DAMN IT!  I “should” prepare for my tour; I “should” empty the dishwasher; I “should” lose weight; get my visa organized, send flowers to Jenny, call Lori, save money…and spend less.  Yuck!  I was drowning in S*H*O*U*L*D.

Instead of continuing this should-fight I asked the book (Extending Love to Your Thoughts) and received this gem:

“I extend stillness to this thought”

The fleeing energy of SHOULD was very present and this poem transported me into the stillness:

“Alas, One Heart”

Did you hear

the one

about

the soldier

who married

the nun?

He warred for sport,

She talked to God for fun.

Together they

explored the far reaches

of one another’s universes

and found

an odd truth.

They could only find

their one Heart

when they abandoned

their sport and fun

and simply

were together

as

One.

The should was calmer now, and the desire to flee was gone but still I was distracted by the things I “should” be doing.  I chose another:

“I extend strength to this thought”

Here is the poem that turned the corner:

“Oh Should!!”

Hello dear Should

stop crying

today you will know your own strength!

Sit quietly

and ask yourself

what do “I” truly want?

A complete “to do” list?

Recognition of memory?

A day off?

Saving

Happiness

Or

Underestimating

Love’s

Doing

Oh Should!

I love to hear you laugh!

This is your secret weapon:

laugh and laugh and LAUGH!

This IS your true nature:

Joyful expression of loving.

Darling Should!

You were sent to remind ME

to laugh.

Thank you dear friend

let us remember always

where Should is

laughter must be too.

 

And the last morsel that iced the cake:

“I extend openness to this thought”

This gave me an instant visual of SHOULD written on a giant piece of paper which immediately dissolved into hundreds of sheets and each smaller square was turning, as if in a choreographed ballet, into other images:

a Monet garden; a cup of tea;  a yellow school bus

The pressing-ness of should was gone, only chills and laughter and light remained.

I am as God created me!

Ahhhhhh, the delicious relief of wholeness.

Read Full Post »

“You want to drive WHERE??”

Loving the fog

Yesterday, I had the great joy of facing one of my deepest, most long-standing (more like crouching in the bushes with a machete) fears.  Yippee!  Not.  My 18-year-old daughter wanted to drive to San Francisco (2 hr) and spend the night with a friend going to San Francisco State.  This is not an unreasonable request.  The child in question is no longer a child, she is smart, capable and a good driver.  My fear on the other hand is insane, incapable and a lousy driver careening through toll booths without paying, passing without indicating and generally begging for a ticket.  As my new practice is extending love when thoughts are present blocking the light of who I really am I asked “what flavor of love can I extend to this?”; that I added “ridiculous suggestion” only points to who was driving at the time.

Here is what I heard:  “I extend ACCEPTANCE to this thought.”  So I asked again:  “Um, what other flavor of love could I extend to this thought?”  “ACCEPTANCE” came again.  And again and again.  Yes, I asked four times, unwilling as I was to accept.  It appeared acceptance was my only choice and so I did.  Did I mention the request was whispered in my ear as said daughter thoughtfully came into our bedroom to let us know she was home?  The precise moment my sleeplessness began.

The next morning in quiet I asked again (I know, acceptance is not my strong suit) and this is the beautiful message I received from Holy Spirit:

(The mention of bridges is in reference to the Oakland Bay bridge, a double-decker bridge which collapsed during an earthquake a number of years ago and is still where my own fear overtakes me when I drive across.)

“Holy Precious Child,

Greetings and blessings my dear Child.  We are so happy you have allowed yourself to sit quietly and listen to your heart loving you.  That is all you needed: time to hear and feel this EVERPRESENCE of LOVE.  You need not worry about [x] and her adventure, not because it will go perfectly and without any hitches (although it will) but because I AM with her always.  She is seeking to hear her own heart and she will only be able to do this if you gently stand back in gratitude and know this is happening.

This is what you most want:  her to be confident in her desires and choices, firm in the trusting of her own Voice.  She will learn to ask for assistance or help when needed.  let this beautiful lesson unfold for her.

Fear not the traffic:  extend peace.

Fear not the bridges:  extend clarity.

Fear not getting lost:  extend surefootedness.

Fear not the cost:  extend eternity.

Precious One, You are my love angel, be still and know that you are God.

Amen. Amen & Selah.”

Read Full Post »