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I was dealing with the shame and surprise of hurting another.  It was a stupid thing really, an impossible situation that couldn’t be helped and the words spilled out of my mouth and I watched helplessly as the shadow of misery crossed  her face.  I asked prayerfully for a practice to help me in the face of this suffering I had caused and the suffering “I” was experiencing in being the bearer of such harshness, however unintended.

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The Awful, Beautiful Truth

I had this conversation with my husband soon after my verbal debacle:

Me:  I don’t like to see people suffer. (especially if I caused it)

Husband: People suffer.  Get over it.

Me:  I don’t like it though!

Husband: That’s like saying “I don’t like the sky being blue or the days getting shorter or the leaves falling”  People suffer. You don’t like it–too f’ing bad!  Get over it.  Suffering happens, yours and other people’s.

“OH!” I thought, “Here is my practice.”  This time, my husbands words were the Voice of Love for me.  Notice:  Suffering IS.  Extend acceptance, innocence, being to the thought of suffering.  As soon as I heard “Suffering IS” I relaxed and quit fighting it.  In extending acceptance I wasn’t saying “Oh thanks so much” but more “OH, this really hurts.  It really, really hurts and that is ok.”  In extending innocence I simply noticed the hurt and knew that it was completely innocent, meant no harm and would not last forever.  In extending being to the suffering I honored its presence and let it BE for as long as it needed to BE, ie, I allowed the hurt space without my agenda of getting rid of it quick smart.  In the space that “Suffering IS” created I found myself much more relaxed, open, and gentle with the idea of suffering.  In my rush to brush it away I didn’t see the necessary beauty in it nor accept the gift of stillness and truth.

I continue my practice of “Suffering IS” anytime I notice I am suffering, either with the effects of too much greasy fish and chips or with the news of a TB diagnosis with one of my children.  Suffering is.  I am.  God is.  Love is.

“Mrs. Doubtfire”

So, the other day I found myself saying to Holy Spirit “If I knew I would WITHOUT DOUBT flourish, enjoy, grow and be happy in this endeavor I would go ahead.  So HOW do I do this without doubt????”  Naturally the HS’s response is priceless:

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HS:  Extend love to doubt.

Daily.

Make it a loving practice to daily recognize your doubts, doubting, double-mindedness.

Sit quietly with peace, joy and delight pouring from your heart ont, over, surrounding your doubts with loving-kindness.

Let now doubting lead you into anything other than extending love.

We can call this practice “Daily Doubtfire of Love”.  Your doubts will come with you for as long as you need them.  They are pacifiers of sorts.  Dearest One, practice loving each day these doubts rather than doubting your heart and resolve capabilities.

Doubting is another name for fear, resistance and subterfuge.  IT is a negative flow of energy.  Fear and loathing are its base metal.  Do not let this worry or bother you.  All that you need to do is to continue your daily, on purpose practice of extending love to the doubt, doubting & double-mindedness.  Your happiness is your true nature & you can be in a state of happiness in all forms–even doubting.  Just pause, extend love to doubts, feel the Holy Spirit, ask a question; express God’s Voice, acknowledge you hear and speak this Voice of Love, right now.

“Ode to Closure”

I never knew I had the powerorange flat curves

to end things

conclude, finish, stop

satisfy, complete, finalize

end, graduate, farewell

always I had waited

“for things to end”

I relied on moving, disaster, death

to carry me over

death’s threshold

for how could I be the one to say

enough! stop! over!

wouldn’t that be believing in

death? quitting? failure?

now I know that

allowing and embracing the end

leads inexorably to the beginning

again……again…………..and again……..

a gain

loss is its own sort of gain

an ending tells you:

now move on

now create anew

now be something else

ending is not failure

any more than beginning is success

yet all and both

are born again

in the fullness of time

for my own joy and goodness

hearts_rosesWhere there is fear, there is anxiety

Where there is anxiety, there is turmoil

Where there is turmoil, there is indecision

Where there is indecision, there is blockage

Where there is blockage, there is opportunity

Where there is opportunity, there is willingness

Where there is willingness, there is hope

Where there is hope, there is openness

Where there is openness, there is awareness of Love

Where there is awareness of Love, there is Love

Where there is Love, there is no fear”

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We are here to create heaven on earth

I was blown away by the question my dear friend George asked in regards to an organization we belong to.  He asked, “What would you do if you inherited all the resources?”  It was the question I have been looking for and didn’t know it.  This is the question that allowed me to see what I had been truly missing, ie, ALL THE RESOURCES.  I had been looking in my own backyard for things I could do or say to help but I had forgotten about ALL THE RESOURCES.  I decided to do a resource inventory and was delighted in all that was already present to move ahead and create anew.  ALL the resources in this case included a massive library of brilliant step by step teaching, deep and committed founders, willing and creative staff and past students, an online presence etc.  But the really bonus goodies came flooding through me in the form of realizing my own resources.  I love taking inventory like this yet constantly forget to do it.

ALL THE RESOURCES (in no particular order…….”There is no order of difficulties in miracles.”)

my humor; my husband; my beautiful daughters; our friends who know things I can only imagine; my bestie pals who cry and laugh with me; my mentors and coaches; my indefatigable desire for beauty, harmony & peace; God; God’s Voice; I can hear, speak and totally delight in God’s Voice of Love; my garage filled with history; my thoughts; the Universe (as in the ONEVerse we are all joined in singing); my home and office; electricity, running water; blow dryer (I’m sorry, but good hair is part of what I call a loving resource of God-so-loved-the-world he inspired the invention of blow driers); I can sort of find my way around a computer (with 3in1’s help of course); my body (in all its glory and hilariousness);  of course I have come to really notice and enjoy breathing which is very cool because it turns out to be THE important resource here on earth; our corgies (Rugby is especially a great resource for practicing forgiveness of his constant need for attention, which is absolutely NOT a projection of my own need for attention, really it isn’t);  Color; the infinite Qualities of Love that give me such great joy to feel, share, notice and celebrate; extending said Love to my thoughts; the 5 Steps to Hearing God’s Voice; food, water, champagne; the bank; all the amazing men and women who support my every breath from fighting fires, to working feverishly to form a government budget to those willing to fight for my right to sit here and dish (let’s not forget the Baristas, insurance agents; hairdressers, manicurists , financial advisors who make my world safe, leveraged, beautiful and caffeinated).

Ok, I have realized ALL THE RESOURCES could fill a page, a book, a world, a Universe.  In fact they do.

Let’s hear it for the power of ALL THE RESOURCES we each have individually and collectively  Thank you thank you , amen & thank you!

love the entire song

Love Collage created by V. Padley

It has been so long since I posted here that I have nearly forgotten how to!  I have been writing up a storm and my work have been seen mainly on http://www.thevoiceforlove.com community page and can be found at Fearlessly Female Magazine.  But, for reasons unknown I feel like posting again here.  There is no perfect “first post after years gone walkabout” quite frankly and this one will no doubt fall a bit flat.  But that is OK!  I have given myself permission to write, as Anne Lamott says, “a shitty first draft (post)”.

Yesterday I started reading the book”Ten Poems to Change Your Life” by Roger Housden  I’m already a fan (he had me at Mary Oliver’s “The Journey”).  It got me to thinking, what are ten qualities of Love that will change your life.  If you could only have ten (out of the infinite qualities available). What would they be.

Here are mine and I’d love to hear yours:

1. Forgiveness (without this I wouldn’t even get up in the morning)

2. Innocence (all thoughts, people, situations, governments, pain is totally & completely pure, holy, true)

3. Acceptance (this is where the rubber meets the road; it is: i notice it; i feel better)

4. Beauty (it is all beautiful but how delicious we get to notice and feel all the flavors of beauty)

5. Clarity (who, what when, where, why, does it hurt…..ie answers, guidance, revelation….whew!)

6. Strength (power, immanence, majesty, wholeness all in one neat package)

7. Peace (spacious, free, open, still, quiet, relief)

8. Joy (happy, delicious & bubbling, pouring forth the delight we are made of)

9. Comfort (yummy, cozy, gentleness meets you exactly where you are)

10. Truth (now IS eternal)

Here is the Holy Spirit’s answer to my previous post:

Me:  Holy Spirit please tell me more about entrance and en-trance (see previous post “Holy Spirit Sure Can Make An Entrance”)

HS:  Precious One, Good Morning and blessings to you this fine day and moment.  We are so pleased you are awake.  Thank you for taking this time to practice joining with your emotions and thoughts of MAD.  Notice how quickly you moved through the momentary tightness like a kink in your love hose was unwound without fanfare or suffering.

Precious One, as you take time to notice and feel emotions–which are thoughts with exceedingly high and powerful vibrations (loud clothes made to be noticed).  Notice the feelings in your body, this noticing gives you the moment you need to decide “Oh, I could extend love to this.”  In that thought is a doorway created.  This morning the thought  “Tear up the paper” was a tiny, easy way  to release the pent-up energy.  In that small release came the desire to extend love rather than NOT extend love.  As you heard the flavor of love is:  entrance, then en-trance. you were given (and could feel in your body) release, acceptance and relief.  The knot of not-extending love which originated in your sleep and subconscious rose to the surface to be healed and released.  Now the flow of love is free to communicate, adore and nourish.

Thank you for allowing this morning to be so fun for us.  Than you for your willingness to listen.  Thank you Precious One, thank you.